First Time for Second Chances
by Gothic Guardian
Summary: The long awaited sequel to Feelings. So sorry for taking so long. I honestly had it done ages ago but family stuff got in the way of posting. Rated R for a reason. Deffinately one-ups my Feelings series... Read at your own risk. Then Review. -wink-
1. Afraid to Feel

1**_First_** Time

**_For Second Chances_**

I watch him wrap my wrists. His gentle ministrations remain careful of my injuries. He's so... serious. So sober. I am taken aback by his sombre... almost sane... behaviour.

Of course, truth to tell, I haven't seen 'daft Jack' since he walked into my cabin. Before even. Since before (or maybe just after) I slapped him. Though, in all honesty, I have yet to leave my cabin since then.

Jack ties off the bandage. My arms now have matching bracelets. Very large, bulky bracelets... I really don't want to wear these. "Sorry, luv. You were able to cause the need for them. You can wear them 'til the need passes." Damn him. How dare he... I've already been through this. I've just got to calm down. Just got to... let go.

I've decided to let him in... I can't just back down now. Not out of some irrational fear. His hands linger over mine. The urge to pull away is overwhelming. I can feel the warmth of his hands through the bandaging. The weight of his hands is both comforting and scary. My heart races as he inches closer. I haven't told him about my fear yet. I've not told him about Barbossa. If I did, how would he react? Would he still feel this way about me? Would he still want me with him? He believed my reasons for hurting myself. He accepted the fact that I won't stop overnight. Would he still accept that if he knew the total truth?

His hands move gently up my arms, resting at my shoulders, along the base of my neck. My heart pounds an unsteady, fast-paced rhythm. I can't let fear take over my life. I'm Anamaria, a woman pirate, and the first female First Mate, and the ship I'm First Mate of is none other than the Black Pearl... I'm not a sissy. I'm not a poppet. I'm just as strong, just as powerful, as the rest of the crew. After all, courage is not lacking fear, but being able to overcome your fears, right?

He pulls me towards him, gently. The kiss he places on my lips is even gentler than the first. He takes longer this time, waiting until I am ready to let him in. I don't know if I'm ready or not, but I open my mouth to his probing tongue. His tongue slides against mine. The sensation is... unusual, to say the least... He tastes how I pictured him to. Like rum, my tears, and the sea. My first kiss, well real kiss at least, and I don't know what to make of it. His tongue feels... strange. Invading, yet... somewhat welcome. I want this. But... I don't know. He caresses my shoulders, my neck, hands running along my clothed body. He is avoiding touching the places I'm sure he wants to feel most.

He's afraid of scaring me off. He wants to hold me. I can tell by the way his arms keep moving as if to embrace me, only to back off again. His hands linger on my sides, just below my breasts. His eyes search mine, looking for a sign. I know one isn't there, I'm just not that good at acting with my eyes. But I want him to love me. I want to feel him hold me. I long to be able to wake up beside him. But I'm afraid. The only thing holding me back from having a real life. A real, honest happiness. Yet all I can think of is the pain those caresses can cause. How much it hurts. How Barbossa... What he did to me.

The only way to overcome your fear is to face it. The only way to stop being afraid is to prove there's nothing to fear.

I take his arms and guide them to the buttons of my shirt. I help him unfasten the first two before he understands that this is what I want. At least I think that I want it. My heart aches to have him hold me. My skin longs to feel his against it. I long to have him fill me...

At that thought, my heart flutters into a wild frenzy. I _do_ want it. I want to have him prove that it can be pleasant, rather than painful. The memories flood back and I nearly sob with the need for my knife. I'm able to hold in the sob, but a tiny...squeak-like sound escapes. His mouth, pressed against mine, captures the sound. He pulls back, worry written in his... lust filled eyes.

I smile slightly. I hope my acting abilities are enough to take the worry off his face, out of his eyes. His hands are frozen against my shirt. He still has a few buttons left to undo. I start to work his shirt open, eager to feel skin on skin contact. Desperate for his warmth to take away the chill that settled over my body with the resurfacing memories.

He finishes unbuttoning my shirt, and I his, and they flutter to my bed. At the moment, we're both sitting up on it, facing each other. But that soon changes. He lowers me, gently, to my back, my exposed breasts exhibiting dozens of scars, some on, most just beneath. His fingers trace the raised flesh, softly feeling the defacement of my otherwise smooth skin.

The touch leaves trails of fire in their wake. The cool air, compared with the warmth of his skin against mine, causes a shiver to run down my spine. I pull him closer, needing to feel more of his flesh against my own. His warmth is so inviting, so welcoming.

His hand follows an exceptionally large scar, crossing from my left shoulder to my right hip. That one wasn't self inflicted. _That_ one was from everyone's _favourite_ pirate. Barbossa's blade sliced through both my skin and my clothing just before he... Yes, well... um... You know.

His touch is so gentle. He stops just short of the end of the scar. It continued on down to the base of my hip, passing very near my... more intimate area. I cover his hand in my own, guiding it past the waist of my britches, taking the offending article of clothing with.

With every exposed inch of flesh, my nervousness grows. As does my longing. The britches catch on my... arse. I lift myself enough to slide them down, exposing my most intimate area.

I get the overwhelming urge to cover myself. I feel so... helpless. I know Jack will never do anything. I... I'm just so insecure. The cold of a lone tear makes its way out of the corner of my eye, getting lost in the tangle of my hair. I'm so confused. I want him. I need him. I long to have him make love to me. But I don't know if I can.

The only barrier between us are his britches. Jack wipes the salty trail off of face. How did he even know? It's too dark to see a tiny tear. "We don't have to do this." He moves to lay beside me. "Your tear caught the light." I remain silent. "I understand that this is your first time. You've a right to be nervous. You don't know what to expect." Only I do know what to expect. And it's not a fun memory. "We can take it slowly if you want..."

I nod. It's just a slight movement, very subtle, but I know he sees. He lays his arm across my waist. For some time, we just lay in silence...

-.. ... . -.-. . - .. -. ..- . -.. -..-

Well, that's it for now. Evil cliffier, I know. Sorry. But would you rather get this much now, or have to wait another month? I've been working a lot lately, so my chances to get to the library to go online is limited. As such, I can't update very often.

Please Read and review. I did my best to make it as non–risque as possible. Too bad that's not what Jack and Ana had in mind. I am having real difficulty writing the next part to fit in even the "R" rating. If anyone thinks this is too... graphic already, I'm sorry, yell at them. I'm doing my best here...

As for Sibling Rivalry, I'm getting to it. I just need to find a viable plot for SRIII before I can post SRIV (which is completed) Ideas are welcome. Review just for that... if you can't think of anything else to put in a review about my fic.

Thanks and I hope you liked it!


	2. Heart's Desertion

A/N: Sorry for the tardiness of this chapter... I've had the unfortunate misfortune to have o lot of work. Then, when I do get a moment peace, My bloody hard drive crashes and burns! I all but wept for all my lost info. I had to search high and low for my secret back up floppies. Let me tell you, that was _not_ fun. A lot of my stuff I had to redo from my save-points. I'm having my peeps attempt to rescue as much from the corrupted disc as they can. All I can do right now is sit tight and cross my fingers.

_**Major Warning! (Semi) Explicit Non-Con ahead!**_

_(And an explicit (consensual) sex scene)_

First Time for Second Chances

Chapter Two

We just lay, side by side, on my bed. The warmth of his skin, his scent, the steady rhythm of his heart... It feels so right. I look into his eyes, afraid of what I'll see, but having to see it nonetheless. The lust, the carnal hunger I expect to see isn't there. All I see is concern.

The moonlight softens everything. I feel as if I'm in a dream. A smile passes over my stoic lips at the thought. I move closer to Jack. The warmth of his body is the only thing keeping away the midnight chill.

His arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to him. A chaste kiss on my neck sends a warm shiver to shoot down my spine. I'm already all but on top of him, but I need still need to get closer...

"Please..." I don't know what I'm asking of him, the word just slipped out. His hand runs up my bare back, entangling in my hair. His other arm holds me to him. The pressure of his body is both terrifying and enticing. My heartbeat, which had almost returned to normal, quickens again.

His eyes bore into me, seeking permission. I press my lips to his, as my hands trail along his chest. The sensation of his skin on my own, the heat of his body contrasting with the cold air, is overwhelming.

I lay back onto my bed, drawing him onto me. I can't hide forever. Not my... lack of innocense... I need to get over my fear. I can't do that if I never face it. And Jack is the best person I could ever think to prove my fear unfounded. Better with someone I trust... someone I love... than some stranger in Tortuga.

"Jack, please..." I can barely hear my own voice. I'm torn between fear and need... Lust... And I can see that my Captain feels the latter, as well. I have to. It's not right to taunt him... Doubt fills my mind.

Did I taunt Barbossa, too? Was it my fault that he... did that to me? The cold ghost hands grab at me, again. I fall into the paralysing memory of the Black Pearl's former First Mate.

.. ..-. .-.. .- ... ... -... ..-. -.- ... . .- . -. -.-. . -..-

I can feel the warm blood dripping from the wound across my chest... I can feel Barbossa's groping hands... His vicious words once more echo in my ears... His strength, holding me down effortlessly... Though I thrash with all my might, I'm still trapped beneath him. My clothes lay in ruins at the foot of the bed... My screams are muffled by his vile mouth upon my own... He strips so quickly. Nothing between us but a sheen of sweat... I feel so helpless... My heart is nearly choking... I bite down on his lip... Metallic blood spilling into my, now free, mouth. Jack's name is all that escapes my lips, in an earsplitting scream, before a dirty hand covers them. And then pain... As if I'm being torn from the inside out... My tears flow freely, landing on my open wound. Each teardrop that lands on the broken skin burns. But the pain caused by the monster on top of me is far worse. I concentrate on the feel of my salty tears mingling with my blood. I can still feel the nightmarish event, but it's more like it's not me that it's happening to...

.. . -. -.. ..-. ..-. .-.. .- ... ... -... ..-. -...-

A deafening scream returns me to the here and now...

The shock and worry in Jack's eyes snaps my back completely. The scream I heard was my own... "I'm sorry..." I can feel my skin flush with embarrassment. Of all times, why did I have to have a flashback now?

Jack sits up, taking his comforting warmth with him. I'm so cold... "No need to apologize." I can see the haunted look in his eyes. "I was the one who scared you, not the other way around,"

I reach my arm out to him. I need him to hold me. I need his comfort. "Please... Don't go... I..." My words catch in my throat. "I need you... Just... Just hold me?" I feel so weak, so timid. But I don't care. All that matters is that he stays here. With me...

"I will. But first, you have to do something for me." He returns to my side, holding me to him.

"Anything..." As soon as I say it, dread fills my mind. I begin wondering what he has in mind.

_(You mean whether he's planning what Barbossa did?)_

Not again! I was beginning to hope the Voice was gone...

_(No such luck, I guess)_

"Just tell me what's wrong? The voice can' be all of it. Why were you screaming?" He brushes a strand of tangled hair out of my face. The care in his expression is making it difficult to keep up my lie. But how can I tell him? "Please..." Now it's his turn to entreat to me. And what can I say?

"I saw something... In my head..." I'm trying to tell him the truth, without mentioning Barbossa. "The Voice was torturing me... I'm fine... Really. Just... Just hold me? Forget about the whole thing." My embarrassed laugh is only half fake. "I'm trying to..."

_(Oh, I like to think I'm at least somewhat memorable...)_

Jack held me tighter. "You're shivering... That's not all of it." After a moment's silence, he finishes. "But I'm not going to pry. It's your business. If you don't trust me with it, I'll accept that."

Guilty tears sting my eyes. I want so badly to tell him. But what if the Voice is right? What if Jack leaves me when he finds out? I don't think that I can stand returning to the cold after feeling his warmth.

_(Why don't you see? Find out how he'll react. Tell him. I bet it'll be a laugh to watch him walk out while you're completely naked.)_ The malicious laughter that follows Voice's words sends a tremor racing down my spine. 'Why are you doing this to me?' _(Because I can...)_

"Ana?" Jack's voice breaks through the one in my mind. "What's the voice telling you, now?" The tears stream from my eyes once more. "Don' let yourself listen to that mental menace. Your own voice is the only one you should heed. And mine when we're above-deck, of course." I smile at his return to daftness. "That's better. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to drown us all with those tears..." I laugh.

I lightly punch his arm. "You're a daft fool at times."

He places a chaste kiss on my lips before responding. "An' you're being a daft fool for letting the daft fool in your head tell you what to do. Do ye see me letting the voices in me head run me life?" I shake my head. "Then why are you? Just ignore 'im. He'll go away eventually. Right now..." He kisses down my neck. "Let your heart take control."

My fear is still there, but I push it down... He needs this as much as I do. And I'm not going to let some stupid Voice run my life. I reach for his britches, intent on making him as vulnerable... as exposed as I am.

"Allow me." His hands move mine aside. He slides the last piece of clothing off, and tosses it into the pile with the rest.

I run my hands along his body, avoiding his most private part. I don't know... I just can't touch it. Just the feel of it against my leg is... strange. It feels so... disturbing. I feel embarrassed just coming into contact with it.

Jack takes my hands in his own, gently guiding them to the one place I'm most afraid to feel. "You don't have to be afraid... I'm not goin' any farther than you can handle..." He wraps my hands around it... I force myself to follow through. I'm thirty-eight... And I'm still almost a virgin.

_(Almost only counts in horseshoes...)_

Fine. I'm thirty-eight and have only had sex once. And never willingly. The point is that I need to do this. I need to find out what it's like... What it's really like... To make love.

He kneels above me, leaning over me. All of his weight is on his left hand. His right one burns a trail along my body, from my breasts to my legs. The path his hand takes follows the curves of my body. His hand brushes my inner thigh, and my legs instinctively close tighter. I have to consciously open them to grant him better access.

My own hands caress the muscular chest above me. A life at sea has agreed with the Captain. His muscles are well toned. His skin is soft and tough at the same time... Like the sea herself...

My mind focuses on the sensations of his flesh. Not his hand between my legs... I'm just trying to ignore the fear and pleasure building within me... Not the heat spreading along my body from my centre... All my attention is on his scars... Their feel,... Their colour... Their texture... Their...

A bolt of pleasure fires through my limbs. The hot delectation that shot through me hit lightning fast. My body jerks in response...

He hasn't even entered me yet... How could he possibly create so much elation with just his hand?

I try to return my focus back to my exploration of his body... His scent is a mixture of the ocean, rum, and sweat... His skin glistens in the moonlight... The smooth expanse of his torso... His

A sharp, stabbing pain... It feels like I'm being gutted... Like with Barbossa... I thought it was supposed to feel good...

There's a throbbing pain now, emanating from where Jack and I are joined. He's motionless above me, watching my body-language carefully. The pain begins to ebb, slowly fading... His eyes scan mine, awaiting my signal to resume I nod when the pain is lessened enough to continue...

He starts a rhythm, his motion causing my pleasure to build again... My fear falls away as we join completely... I match his rhythm, as naturally as if we were made for each other...

Our breathing speeds up, as does our movement. The faster we move, the faster we need to move. My arms and legs wrap around Jack. I feel as if I can't get close enough... Soon, it becomes difficult to tell where he starts and I end. And still I need to get closer. I can hardly breathe... I'm unable to take in air fast enough.

"Jack!" His name is more gasped than spoken. Somehow, I'm on top now... I pull him as deep into me as I can get. The pleasure building is immense... I feel like I'm going to explode... My body begins shaking with the need for release, yet still I build it further. My body finally defeats me... My entire body contracts... The pleasure erupts over me in waves. I collapse upon Jack's chest, exhausted, and throbbing with a pleasure that fills every inch of my body.

Jack's body tenses beneath me. I can feel the warm rush of the fluids he releases within me. My entire body is weak, unable (and unwilling) to move. Jack kisses my sweat covered forehead and we fall into a euphoric slumber, as the haze of predawn fills the window...

The End

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Sorry for the pervitude there at the end... They got very eager to get busy... I tried to clean it up without losing too much of the quality. Those two didn't make it very easy for me. As always, R&R! 'Til next time, TA!


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